Quotations -
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"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's
opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
"Ambition is the last refuge of the failure."
"The clever people never listen, and the stupid people never talk."
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
"And the wild regrets, and the bloody sweats, None knew so well as I:
For he who lives more lives than one, More deaths than one must die."
"The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life.
And the body is born young and grows old. That is life's tragedy."
"Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner."
"I don't want to become immortal through my work, I want to become immortal through not dying."
"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."
"The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small."
"Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down."
"Don't knock masturbation - its sex with someone I love."
"It's not that I'm afraid to die - I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep."
"As the poet said, `Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people
who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."
"Well, there are very few things that can really beat driving around the Bay
Area on a good summer night - big motorcycle, head full of acid - wearing
nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of shorts and getting on that Highway 1
going 120 miles an hour. That's a rush of every kind - head, hands - it's
everything put in a bundle. Because first of all, it's a rush, and also it's
maintaining control and see how far I can go, how weird I can get and still
survive, even though I'm seeing rats in front of me instead of cops. Rats with
guns on..."
"But what I did assume at that time, early on and, shit, every year forever
after that, was that I would be dead very soon. The fact that I'm not dead
is sort of puzzling to me. It's sort of an awkward thing to deal with."
"So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: Who is the happier
man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived. or he who has stayed securely
on shore and merely existed?"
"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone,
but they've always worked for me."
"Call on God, but row away from the rocks."
"There's terrific merit in having no sense of humour, no sense of irony,
practically no sense of anything at all. If you're born with these so-called
defects you have a very good chance of getting to the top."
"I'm very interested in the Universe - I'm specializing in the universe and all that surrounds it."
"I've always been after the trappings of great luxury. But all I've got hold of
are the trappings of great poverty. I've got hold of the wrong load of trappings,
and a rotten load they are too, ones I could have very well done without."
"They haven't waterproofed cardboard yet. Or if they have they haven't told me. Or if they've told me I've forgotten"
"Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors."
"I have a telescope on the peep hole of my door so I can see who is at the door for 200 miles"
"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension."
"Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK."
"I used to be an airline pilot. They let me go because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 86 foot stepladder with a coathanger."
"Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took
them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other.
One of them looked at the other and said, 'So. What did you think?'"
"In my bedroom instead of a night light, I have a search night light. It goes back & forth across the room. If I have to get up & go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I have to time it just right so I don't get caught."
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" |
Oscar Wilde
Woody Allen
Hunter S. Thompson
Peter Cook
Steven Wright
